Can Therapy Help with Perfectionism in Young Adults?
Many young adults hold themselves to impossibly high standards—quietly measuring success by how productive, polished, or put-together they appear.
But beneath the surface, perfectionism often shows up as stress, burnout, indecision, and constant self-criticism. It can make even small tasks feel heavy, especially when fear of failure or not being “enough” takes over. This blog explores how perfectionism affects young adults and how therapy can help create more space for flexibility, self-compassion, and relief.
Table of Contents
What Is Perfectionism (Really)?
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well—it’s about feeling like doing anything less than “perfect” isn’t enough. It’s often driven by an internal pressure to get things right the first time, avoid mistakes, or be seen a certain way. For many young adults, perfectionism shows up as fear of failure, overthinking, or a belief that self-worth depends on performance.
What makes perfectionism tricky is that it can be easy to justify. It’s often masked by achievement, ambition, or attention to detail. But underneath, it’s usually about something deeper—a fear of not being enough, of disappointing others, or of being seen as flawed.
Therapy can help unpack where those expectations come from, why they feel so hard to let go of, and what it would mean to redefine success in a more sustainable, self-compassionate way.
Signs of Perfectionism in Young Adults
Perfectionism can be sneaky. It doesn’t always show up as neat color-coded planners or straight A’s. Sometimes, it looks like procrastination, burnout, or avoiding things entirely because the pressure feels too high.
Here are a few common signs perfectionism might be at play:
Feeling paralyzed by decisions or endlessly researching before starting something
Putting off projects or goals because they might not turn out perfectly
Constant self-criticism, even after doing well
Difficulty celebrating wins or downplaying accomplishments
Avoiding new things for fear of not being “good enough” right away
Anxiety or shame around mistakes, imperfections, or falling short
Many young adults normalize these patterns because they’ve been praised for their hard work or high standards. But when perfectionism starts interfering with mental health or daily life, it’s worth paying attention—and getting support can help.
The Hidden Costs of Always Getting It “Right”
On the surface, perfectionism might look like a strength. But over time, the emotional toll can be exhausting. Striving to get everything right can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even burnout. Many young adults push themselves past their limits—then feel guilty for needing rest or struggling to keep up.
When worth is tied to achievement, it becomes hard to slow down or feel satisfied. Breaks can feel undeserved, and small mistakes can feel devastating. This pressure often spills into relationships, where fears of judgment or not being enough can create distance or conflict.
Even success can feel hollow if it’s never “good enough.” Therapy offers space to unpack these patterns, understand where they come from, and imagine new ways of measuring worth—ones that don’t rely on constant output, approval, or perfection.
Why Perfectionism Feels So Hard to Let Go
Even when it’s clearly causing distress, letting go of perfectionism can feel risky. For many young adults, it’s been a reliable way to feel in control, avoid criticism, or stay “safe” from failure. Over time, those patterns become deeply wired—not just habits, but part of how a person sees themselves.
Perfectionism is often reinforced early on, whether through academic pressure, family dynamics, or social expectations. It may have started as a way to earn praise or avoid punishment—and now it feels like the only way to be successful or accepted.
Changing those beliefs takes time. Therapy can help create space to question old narratives and build trust in new ones—ones rooted in flexibility, self-worth, and growth over perfection.
How Therapy Helps Young Adults Navigate Perfectionism
Therapy provides a nonjudgmental space to explore what’s driving the need to be perfect—and what it’s costing underneath the surface. It’s not about lowering standards. It’s about redefining success, untangling worth from performance, and learning how to feel good about progress, not just outcomes.
Depending on a client’s needs, therapy may involve:
Identifying perfectionist beliefs and where they started
Practicing self-compassion and realistic goal-setting
Learning to tolerate uncertainty, mistakes, or “good enough”
Exploring the connection between anxiety, identity, and achievement
Developing new coping strategies for when pressure builds
Whether through CBT, narrative therapy, or parts work, therapists can support young adults in shifting perfectionism from a rigid rulebook into a more flexible, empowering guide.
Practicing Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism
One of the most powerful antidotes to perfectionism is self-compassion—but it’s also one of the hardest shifts to make. Many young adults are used to motivating themselves through pressure, comparison, or harsh self-talk. Being kind to themselves can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.
But self-compassion isn’t about letting things slide. It’s about recognizing effort, making room for mistakes, and treating yourself with the same care you’d offer a friend. Over time, this shift can reduce anxiety, soften all-or-nothing thinking, and create more emotional resilience.
Therapy for young adults in Redondo Beach and the South Bay often includes building this skill. Through gentle practice, young adults learn how to notice their inner critic, challenge unrealistic standards, and start responding to setbacks with empathy instead of shame.
Finding the Right Therapist as a Young Adult
The right therapist can make all the difference when it comes to untangling perfectionism. For young adults, this often means finding someone who understands the push-pull of independence, self-doubt, and invisible pressure. A strong therapeutic fit creates space to explore those internal patterns—without judgment—and begin shifting the way self-worth is measured.
When searching for a young adult therapist in Redondo Beach, Manhattan Beach, El Segundo, or nearby South Bay communities, look for someone experienced in working with perfectionism, anxiety, and the unique challenges of early adulthood. Modalities like CBT, IFS/parts work, or somatic therapy can be helpful—but more important than the method is the connection.
Feeling seen, supported, and understood is the foundation for real change. Therapy doesn’t erase high standards—it helps clarify which ones are worth keeping. Until next time, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
– – Catherine Alvarado, LMFT
About the Author
Catherine Alvarado, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist, EMDR Certified Therapist, and Consultant-in-Training (CIT) in Redondo Beach, CA. Beyond the pages of the blogs, Catherine Alvarado, LMFT & Associates offers in-person and virtual therapy services for adolescents and teens of Manhattan Beach, Redondo Beach, El Segundo, and the rest of the South Bay area.
If you are experiencing distress, reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation.
