Can’t Relax? The Hidden Effects of Chronic Stress and Anxiety
For many people, relaxing sounds simple—but actually doing it can feel impossible.
Even when there’s time to slow down, the mind keeps racing, the body stays tense, and genuine rest never quite arrives. Chronic stress and anxiety train the nervous system to stay on alert, making calm feel out of reach even during quiet moments.
Let’s take a look at why it’s so difficult to relax, how long-term stress shapes the mind and body, and what it really takes to feel safe enough to rest. If slowing down feels uncomfortable or out of reach, know that there are understandable reasons for that—and ways to help the body and mind rediscover a sense of ease.
Table of Contents
Why Relaxing Feels So Hard
For many people, relaxing isn’t as simple as taking a deep breath or setting aside time to rest. Even when life slows down, the body stays tense, the mind keeps looping through to-do lists, and true calm never seems to arrive. This isn’t a lack of discipline or mindfulness — it’s often a sign that the nervous system has learned to stay on guard.
When stress becomes constant, the brain adapts by staying alert for potential problems. Over time, that vigilance becomes the default setting, making it hard to turn off even when everything is okay. The result is a body that feels ready for action when it should feel safe, and a mind that keeps looking for what might go wrong next.
If it feels difficult to unwind, it’s not because something is wrong with you — it’s because your body has been doing its best to keep you safe. In the sections ahead, we’ll look at how the mental load of adulthood, chronic stress, and unrelenting pressure all contribute to this sense of restlessness — and what it takes to help the mind and body feel secure enough to relax again.
The Mental Load That Keeps the Brain Busy
For many people, the hardest part about relaxing isn’t finding the time — it’s quieting the mind once they do. Even when the body stops moving, the brain often keeps running through lists, plans, and worries. This constant background activity is sometimes called the mental load — the invisible work of remembering, anticipating, and managing everything life asks of you.
Modern adulthood comes with an endless stream of responsibilities: paying bills, meeting deadlines, caring for others, managing health, keeping up with texts and emails, and trying to stay “on top of things.” The mind rarely gets a break from tracking what’s next. Over time, this level of mental effort trains the brain to stay active even during rest, blurring the line between “work mode” and “off the clock.”
When the mental load becomes chronic, it doesn’t just affect focus — it also affects the nervous system. The body stays slightly activated, heart rate elevated, muscles tense, as if rest isn’t fully safe. Learning to relax, then, isn’t just about clearing your schedule. It’s about helping both mind and body step out of constant problem-solving mode and remember what calm feels like.
How Chronic Stress Trains the Nervous System
When stress becomes a daily companion, the nervous system starts to adapt. It learns that being “on” all the time is necessary for survival. At first, this response is helpful—a built-in way the body keeps you alert and ready to handle challenges. But over time, it stops being a short-term reaction and becomes a default state of tension.
The human brain is wired to protect. When it senses danger or pressure, it activates the fight-or-flight response—increasing heart rate, tightening muscles, and sharpening focus. Once the stress passes, the body is supposed to return to baseline. But in modern life, stress rarely ends. The deadlines, decisions, and emotional weight of daily responsibilities keep signaling “stay alert.”
A study by Terpou et al. (2019) found that the brain’s “innate alarm system” rapidly scans for potential danger—even before we’re consciously aware of it. In people who’ve experienced trauma or prolonged stress, this system can become overactive, leaving the body and mind in a heightened state of alertness that makes it harder to relax.1
Eventually, the body forgets how to rest. The shoulders stay tight, the jaw clenched, and sleep may feel light or restless. Even when nothing is wrong, the body behaves as if it’s bracing for something. This can lead to ongoing symptoms of anxiety, fatigue, irritability, or even physical pain—all signs that the nervous system is working too hard for too long.
Re-training the nervous system begins with awareness and consistency. Gentle practices like grounding, slow breathing, mindfulness, and therapy focused on nervous system regulation (such as somatic or EMDR therapy) can help teach the body that safety exists in stillness too.
The Hidden Physical Effects of Anxiety and Tension
Stress doesn’t just live in the mind — it shows up throughout the body. Chronic tension can make shoulders ache, jaws tighten, and breathing feel shallow. Over time, this ongoing physical strain becomes its own kind of fatigue, leaving the body tired even after rest.
When the nervous system spends too much time in fight-or-flight mode, muscles stay partially activated and stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline remain elevated. This constant activation can affect digestion, sleep, and even immunity. It’s why someone might feel wired but exhausted, or notice that even small stressors create big physical reactions.
The body keeps a record of what the mind tries to manage. When life’s demands, worries, and emotional strain go unprocessed, they can linger as physical discomfort or unease. These sensations aren’t random — they’re messages from the body, signaling that something still needs attention or release.
Therapies that focus on the mind–body connection, like EMDR or somatic therapy, can help relieve these patterns by addressing stress on both levels. As the body begins to feel safer, the mind often follows — creating space for deeper rest, clearer thinking, and a more balanced sense of calm.
Why Productivity Makes It Hard to Rest
Rest isn’t always as simple as deciding to slow down. For many, it brings an unexpected wave of guilt or discomfort — the sense that something important must be getting missed. The urge to stay productive is powerful, shaped by years of internalized messages that doing more means being enough.
This drive to achieve keeps the nervous system in a subtle state of alertness. Even when the workday ends, the body doesn’t always get the signal that it’s safe to stop. Muscles stay tense, breathing remains shallow, and the mind races through tomorrow’s tasks. Over time, this pattern becomes automatic — rest feels foreign, while stress feels familiar.
Therapy can help untangle these patterns by exploring where the belief in “constant doing” began. For some, it traces back to early experiences of needing to perform to feel valued or secure. For others, it’s reinforced by a culture that celebrates burnout as dedication. In either case, learning to rest is rarely about laziness — it’s about teaching the brain and body that slowing down doesn’t mean losing control.
Creating space for balance, boundaries, and stillness allows the body to experience safety again. In that safety, real rest becomes possible — not as a reward for productivity, but as part of a life that’s allowed to exhale.
Learning to Feel Safe Enough to Slow Down
Rest begins not with stillness, but with awareness. When the body and mind have learned to live in constant alert, slowing down can feel uneasy at first. The first step isn’t forcing calm — it’s simply noticing what’s happening inside.
1. Notice What’s Present
Pause and observe without judgment. Is the heart racing? Is there tightness in the chest or a subtle sense of restlessness? Awareness is the foundation for change. When the body’s signals are noticed rather than ignored, the nervous system begins to feel seen — and that alone can lower its intensity.
2. Settle the Body First
Once awareness is there, offer the body small cues of safety. These can be simple and sensory:
Let your exhale be a little longer than your inhale.
Unclench the jaw, drop the shoulders, or feel your feet press into the ground.
Try a grounding movement — stretching, walking, or placing a hand over your heart.
These somatic tools help the nervous system transition from fight-or-flight to a state of steadier regulation. When the body softens, the mind follows.
3. Strengthen Self-Beliefs Through Practice
After the body begins to settle, it becomes easier to work with the mind. This is where reframing can take root. Instead of “I should be doing more,” or “Am I doing this right?” try:
“What do I need right now?”
“It’s okay to slow down.”
“I can trust myself.”
“I am okay as I am.”
Repeating these statements — especially while grounded in the body — helps build new internal pathways of safety and self-trust. Over time, these beliefs begin to replace the old, anxious ones that keep you “on” even when you want to rest.
When to Consider Therapy for Stress and Anxiety
Sometimes the hardest part of slowing down is realizing you can’t do it alone — and that’s okay. If rest still feels unsafe, or if tension and worry return no matter how much you try to relax, that’s a sign your nervous system may need deeper support.
Therapy offers a space to understand what’s keeping the body alert and to learn tools that help it settle again. Working with a therapist who understands stress, anxiety, and trauma can make a meaningful difference. Through approaches like EMDR, somatic therapy, or mindfulness-based practices, it becomes possible to release the stored stress that keeps your system on guard.
Healing isn’t about eliminating stress entirely; it’s about helping the body trust that calm is safe again. The process can take time — but it’s deeply worth it. Over time, the body relearns how to rest, the mind becomes quieter, and daily life begins to feel lighter.
If you’re in the South Bay or Redondo Beach area, therapy for stress and anxiety is available both in person and online. Support doesn’t have to wait until burnout hits — it can begin the moment you decide rest is something you deserve.
Until next time, don’t forget to take care of yourself.
– – Catherine Alvarado, LMFT
References
1 Terpou, B. A., Densmore, M., Thome, J., Frewen, P., McKinnon, M. C., & Lanius, R. A. (2019). The innate alarm system and subliminal threat presentation in posttraumatic stress disorder: Neuroimaging of the midbrain and cerebellum. Chronic Stress, 3, 1–14. [PubMed]
About the Author
Catherine Alvarado, LMFT 134744, is an EMDR Certified therapist and Consultant-in-Training (CIT) based in Redondo Beach, California. She specializes in trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, anxiety treatment, and somatic approaches that support healing for both mind and body. Catherine works with teens, adults, and families navigating panic, complex trauma, PTSD, and other challenges that touch daily life.
As the founder of Catherine Alvarado, LMFT & Associates and co-founder of Eunoia Wellness Studio, Catherine is dedicated to providing holistic therapy in the South Bay, blending evidence-based care with compassionate support. She offers individual therapy, intensive EMDR therapy, adjunct EMDR, couples therapy, and family therapy in Redondo Beach and online across California.
Her mission is to create safe, welcoming spaces where clients can feel understood, find relief from overwhelming symptoms, and move toward steadier, more balanced days. If you are experiencing distress, reach out today to schedule a free phone consultation.
